In a month, I will officially be a graduate from the University of Minnesota. That said, what the heck comes next?!
For the past few months, I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this blog post. Never in my whole life have I been so on-the-fence about how to announce something. I’ll explain why later in this post.
But, here we go: I’m doing photography! I’m jumping into the scary and exciting world of full-time entrepreneurship. At least, this is the plan for 6 months. And then, in January 2020, I’ll be headed to Amsterdam to do YWAM! My life after that is a massive blank canvas as of now. I. Am. So. EXCITED!!!
I’ll be candid with you. None of this is at all what I thought would be happening or what I had planned for myself. Or was it what my parents thought I’d do. I thought I’d graduate from Carlson and secure a stable marketing analytics job. This was always the end goal, what I worked hard and sacrificed for throughout these past 3.5 years.
I thought, *maybe* I would try pursuing my dream of entrepreneurship. But not until I was, like, 28, and had more direction in life, more financial flexibility, more confidence, and less cluelessness. That was my plan.
God gently overturned these plans one day in November. He spoke to me that I’d be going to Amsterdam. It was the most clear-as-day, crazy thing I’ve ever experienced. Since then, God has been bringing life into dreams that were deposited so deeply into my heart that I’d never had the courage to acknowledge them. For months prior to that day in November, I prayed for direction. The direction I got for my life wasn’t what I was expecting, not even remotely close. And I’m learning that that is a good and beautiful thing.
So, why was there so much pushback on announcing these plans?
It took me months to really realize the reasons why I’m willingly stepping into this next season.
For a while I was going to start off this post with an emotionally-grabbing, dramatic recount of the moment I got in a bad car accident. On that day, I was forced to confront the utter fragility of life, which shook me to my very core. (By the miraculous grace of God every person involved walked away without serious injury that day.) But I didn’t feel peace about announcing my plans in that way. Going through this traumatic event and realizing that life can end at any moment DID make me realize the importance of living every single day with purpose, which is a major blessing. But, that experience is not the reason I’m taking this leap of faith.
Then, I was going to write about how photographing people makes me feel truly alive. How I’m so grateful that God gifted me with this passion. How I’m excited to do something I really love every day. But that didn’t feel right either. While these things are true, it felt too much like it was all about me. It felt selfish. And I couldn’t get myself to write that. It felt wrong on a deep down soul level that I’m not even sure I can explain. I am not the reason I’m taking this leap. I truly deserve 0 credit. If I were the god of my own life, photography would forever stay on the back burner, because frankly, it’s safer and more comfortable that way.
Yesterday, I had another really hard, doubtful day, battling some very stubborn anxiety and questioning my plans - doubting myself, my ability, my drive, my discipline. Everything.
I feel an incomprehensible, dichotomous combination of excitement and trepidation about what I’m stepping into this summer. Most days, the majority of my thoughts are “I don’t have what it takes”, “I’m crazy for thinking this will work”, “I’m gonna be a massive embarrassment and failure. Not only that, but a failure with no benefits or 401k”. Ooof. Conveniently, all of these fears start with “I”…. as if I’m the one in control of everything.
But tonight, I had a revelation. It was a triumphant, tearful lightbulb moment that illuminated the dark doubt that had been weighing heavy on my soul.
Here’s the thing:
It’s not about me.
Photography isn’t about me.
Trying out entrepreneurship is not about me.
This summer isn’t about me either.
Heck, my life isn’t even about me.
It’s all for God.
It’s all worship.
It’s about glorifying the Kingdom.
It’s about truly seeking out Matthew 16:25.
It’s about learning to trust that God is the one in control, always has been, and always will be. He’s the Provider and the Way Maker.
Before it even begins, I am surrendering every bit of my life and this entrepreneurial adventure to Him: the successes, the failures, the uncertainties, the victories, the seemingly insignificant quiet moments, and the big moments. I’m trusting that nothing is done in vain when it’s done for Him.
I’m jumping into entrepreneurship because of God, for God, and most importantly, with God.
Without God, I’m nothing. I am anxious, uncourageous, selfish. Fearful more than anything. But I refuse to let fear drive my future. I’m choosing faith.
So, here’s to the next chapter, & all that it holds! Whatever happens, to God be the glory!
All the love in the whole world,
Meghan
P.S. If you need a photographer, I would love to work with you! Hop on over to meghanswansonphotography.com/contact to send me a message and learn more!
If you feel called to help support my upcoming missions work with YWAM, please reach out! I would be more grateful than I can express for any support that I receive, whether financial, through prayer, or any other means. Thank you!
